Like humans, cats have distinctive voices. And when the cats are feral and not approachable, being able to recognise their voices and know whether they are in distress is important.

So on a light-hearted note, here is a quick guide to our local feline voices.

Mr Tiffin – in pre-combat mode, a light, lyric tenor with a slight air of hysteria.

Saturday – the strong silent type, although in more private moments when he thought no one was watching or listening, heard to utter a small and endearing miaow, totally at odds with his size.

Dinky – hard to put the variety of sounds a Bengal can muster into words. Maybe a touch of Cab Calloway garnished with a dusting of Alpine yodelling with some rumbles akin to a jet engine thrown in for good measure. And then some.

The Cat – her voice is seldom heard but when it is, provokes rather the reaction you would get if Queen Victoria had been amused and unexpectedly laughed out loud – a ‘good-heavens-was-that-what-I-thought-it-was?’ moment.

Sunday –  an intimidating low-level growl accompanied by a piercing stare. Feed me now. It works.

Kiwi – a small, polite miaow from a small, polite cat. Her miaow is not lightly given; she is a CH cat and as such considers every move she makes carefully.

Pikabu – one of the newer arrivals at the night feeding bowl. His voice? Like expecting Plácido Domingo in his tenor days and being surprised when his voice emerged baritone.

Ana Half-Tail – a beautifully modulated major third, feeling happy at A to F. And feeling happy because it was almost feeding time.

Mystery Cat – her voice has only been heard once, on the night Dinky arrived. One can only imagine she was saying ‘please feed him, he’s driving me mad. He doesn’t stop, he chatters constantly, I can’t get a moment’s peace. At least feed him so I can get some peace and quiet.’ Dinky, however, being expert in the art of circular breathing, had no intention of pausing his commentary while eating. Sorry Mystery.

Pedal – a son of The Cat’s, Pedal grew into a fine and noble young cat. His miaow however never progressed to lower than hypersonic, on occasion audible only to the neighbouring farm dogs.

Visitor Cat – her miaow arrived a considerable time after she did. For many months she ate silently on the top of the wall, until her defences, weakened by the delights of wet food, allowed a delicate and pretty miaow to escape. Cuddles followed and now her miaow accompanies her regularly.

Longtail – after months of coming to eat without having any interest in interacting with humans, Longtail suddenly decided that he would court cuddles, miaowing loudly for attention and food in a way that makes you think he might have spent too much time with Dinky.

Sniffly Cat – ‘excuse me, is there any food? Excuse me – I don’t want to interrupt but I am rather hungry. Is there any food? Is there? Is there? Really? For me? Is that for me? Oh good.’